Injury Report: Guy Carbonneau; Erratic Hockey Induced Bipolar Disease: Out for the Season

Coach Guy Carbonneau emerged from the Canadiens’ dressing room to announce that this was the most embarrassing game he had coached in Montreal. Of the two-year plus worth of games locked away in the vault, this was THE game that he chose to label as the worst the team had played under his tenure.

Then, on Tuesday, the Habs played the Senators and schooled them, propelling coach Carbonneau to claim that this was the best game Montreal had ever played in his time as coach.

The Habs then travelled to Boston. If larva could play hockey, it would have taken a shootout, but it would have managed to beat the Canadiens that night.

Take out the lithium, Guy, and take the time to contemplate sur quel pied danser. You could expect the coach’s next press conference to start with : “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but you know, it was the best of times, and it was the worst of times, not to mention that it was the best of times, in these worst of times.”

You get the picture.

As the symptoms progress and the coach’s condition worsens, I’m afraid we’ll soon hear fused versions of both sides of the story: “Kovalev has to start being accountable to the team that he takes incredible responsibility for.” Or, “If Carey can’t make the big saves we ask him to make then we have to ask ourselves if he’s mentally he’s the best goalie in the league right now”.

The poor coach is being made to believe that the team has turned a corner with amazing performances that come on the heels of incredibly worrisome ones and yet, he must soon be coming to grips with the fact that Montreal does play sixty minutes. It just takes them about 180 minutes to get there. The Habs have only played two sixty-minute performances all year, in Toronto and against the Senators. When the Habs were done beating up on Ottawa, the Islanders took the baton and did the same in back to back games. So now we know that, above and beyond the Habs having looked good last Tuesday, the Sens are in serious trouble.

This sudden onset of bipolar symptoms that have plagued the coach has also been brought on by the two faces worn by Carey Price so far (no, not the ones on the mask-cause those are both bad faces). He can look like he’s 28 pounds lighter one night, and appear to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders the next.

You know that Kovalev is raring to go, giving the impression he can dipsy-doodle through quadratic equations on most nights. But his partners don’t seem inclined to follow suit. One won’t dipsy while the other refuses to doodle.

The bipolarism that can vault the coach into a love hate saga with his team is on full display when you consider that the jump-out-of-your-seat goal brother Andrei scored last night was only his second of the season.

That’s why during his press conference, the coach was heard saying: “That’s the most beautiful goal of the season that Andrei scored two goals all year and he’s going to be benched in Carolina is where Andrei usually plays his best has not even started to show and it’s frustrating because he’s our best player this year. Hands down. Up.”

It's safe to say that, for now, everything the coach says can be taken with a Lot of salt.